end of my schooling life.

I'm leaving NTU for good, at least the schooling life part of it, very soon. For those who want to see how I'm doing, to keep in touch, i've added a tag board to the blog.

I've decided to make this blog more introspective. It may be hard for anyone without interest in how I am to come back and read this blog regularly; but I think, perhaps I should let myself be okay with that.

I'm quite uncomfortable with ending my schooling life. The campus ministry in CCC seems to be growing, but I have to part with it now.

Some of it is regretting not being more involved in past years; but then again i had my own problems, which I hadn't learnt to really work out until lately. I'll be honest; many of my past years have been filled with a spirit of folly. But I can't say they're totally wasted either; just to deal with my own folly, i've had to learn a great deal.


Some of it is my own discomfort in not having a ministry to participate in, at least one that consists of my peers; church youth has a more diverse age group and culture, and it's much harder to gel in such a group.

But then again, I haven't really been involved with the ministry side of Crusade that much. It seems I took too long to learn enough maturity to be of real service, and the schooling phase of my life has passed.

I sincerely hope that there will be space in the working phase of my life for me to make use of what I've learnt so recently, in wisdom and spiritual things. At least let there be a balance; let there be times when what I have, in what i have grown and in what Christ provides, is enough to do the task well. At other times when i need to be stretched in order to grow; both to learn new skills and wisdom, and to also grow in trust in God.

There are some opportunities appearing in my church however. There's a music ministry of sorts growing, and it looks, in some ways, fairly solid. With some anticipation and hope in my heart, i'm planning to put aside time right after the exams to begin practicing songwriting, even while i simultaneously hunt for a job. Perhaps i can participate in this ministry, perhaps not - my church already has more than enough talent in many areas. But someone once said, luck is simply preperation meeting opportunity - of course, I don't believe in luck.

I think.. God-given inclination and/or talent needs hard work to mature into proper preparation; preparation that God can use, can provide opportunities for. To have a hope of being involved in a music ministry, I must have the skill set; thus I will prepare myself.

The years that have passed, I've done what I can and I've contributed in some ways to God's Kingdom - just not in the ways that someone more mature could have. But, at least part of the time, I did work as hard as I could, in blood and tears, and into God's Kingdom I've come into more.

The rest of the time that I was lost in escaping from pain in indulgences, in wasting my time away, in either letting go into despair or being unable to break from it - let my God who is the God of the past and the present and the future take it, and redeem it for His glory.

I was who I was in the past years, and the time has passed so nothing can change that; but I will be closer to Who I want to be like with every day from now on. And that is something worth looking forward to.

But. On a more sentimental, bittersweet note(but more sweet than bitter). Besides all these considerations of how i'm growing and proceeding; in the short term, I will really miss Campus Crusade in NTU.

Some of my fondest memories will always be of Campus Crusade in NTU.

Crusaders reading this: Abide in Christ, and take care, and I will keep all of you and the ministry in prayer.