exhausted

Lord, I'm so tired out from trying to learn your wisdom and your discretion. I just am so exhausted, dear God, dear Jesus, dear Savior; I just want to lie down and rest in your meadows and by your waters, Lord.

So much pondering and striving, and i'm still so full of want, so full of craving for things i cannot find; my heart is ill because of desire that is not met, Lord, like it says in Proverbs.

Lord, there is something wrong with my heart, and I lack the wisdom to cure it, to heal, to walk easily and enjoy your burden that is light and your yoke that is easy.

I crave five things, Lord:

to be close to You,
to bring people to You,
to be someone who builds up others,
real fellow-servanthood with my brothers and sisters in Christ;

and a helpmate in this walk.

It looks like my heart is going to be ill, to break again, over the fifth, Lord.

Pent-up desire to be with a girl; to confess it to her directly; to know for sure that there is nothing there.

My heart is going to break again, Lord, but there's no way forward except through and past my own pain.

I need you with me, Lord. I need You, Father, to comfort me and be my friend and tell me what to do next, tell me where to go, tell me how to serve You.

This part of my life is ending, and I need you to hold my hand as i cry, and then stand up again and walk and run the race into the next part.

I'm sorry for not having wisdom enough to manage the past part; teach me Lord, your wondrous ways, the plans you have for me, and comfort me with your assurances of a many future uses you have for me.