I really want to give up.

Am I really useless to You, God?

i mean. what else can i try.

when will things turn around.

i'm so tired. i just want to lie down and die.


i don't know how to change things, God.]

i don't know how I can change.

and honestly. i'm sick of praying, asking You, asking for help, or guidance, or to discipline me, or to guide me, or teach me..

praying into the void, praying into the emptiness, praying into the cold and uncaring.

don't see a difference between my having prayed and my not praying.

don't know how to have more faith, i've already tried my best.

i'm so tired God. just so tired.

so tired, so tired, so tired.

just want to lie down and die.



but still i try again, because there's nothing else to try.


please help me God.

I have no one else to confide in, no one else who could understand, no one else who can help me;

sometimes i suspect, no one else who loves me that much..


i'm already half given up, half in the grave, half lain down and died.

please tell me, somehow, that there's some kind of progress, that under all this Your plan is still operating.

please God.